I’ve come up with an observation based on what I’ve seen…gone through lately with some people…Sometimes it’s not the other person’s fault if things didn’t work out whether in a relationship/friendship or any other form of humans relationships.
We ALWAYS blame the other person while having those lame comments such as “S/he doesn’t get me, I was wrong when I tried to help/love…Etc that person” and the list keeps going on; Have you ever asked yourself if it was you? Was it moving too fast with that person, whether by taking fast steps/backing off early/too much –unintentional- caring/ or just expectations? Ask yourself and you definitely find an answer…Definitely.
When it comes to “Expectations” , you’ll find that it’s the number one human relationship wrecker!, I can talk about how bad to expect till the end of time, but it’s an automated thing our brain do to complete the perfect picture of that particular “New person” in our life..
We don’t blame our brain for s/t like that; we just blame the other person for not keeping up to that perfect image, it’s like “HOW DARE YOU NOT BEING LIKE YOUR PERFECT IMAGE IN MY HEAD, HOW DARE YOU!!!!” ….Imagine the time after you had your first clash with that person and seeing s/t you don’t like in his/her reactions, way of speaking while angry, the length of the silent duration after that clash..Etc and you’ll definitely have that conversation in your head…just go back and remember those convos between you and that person’s perfect image in your head.
we all agree that it’s the other person’s fault, we are angels, we don’t do anything wrong, and MOST importantly that we acted based on good intentions and it’s the other person’s fault that S/he didn’t understand that during that short period of time while talking to us. “They are always the bad guys, they don’t understand us, I shouldn’t have tried to help in the first place, or do bla bla bla”.
A lot of people may not fall into this expectation trap, they are actually smart when dealing with their brains, and they actually know how to control what’s going inside their head and what’s going to be a fact when dealing with people.
I’m not saying they don’t expect…NO, on the contrary, what I’m saying that they CAN control it, not just act based on it.
Having human relationships with people is great, but what’s more important is to have it on the long term, not just until their perfect image is ruined in your head.
It’s NOT your fault or the other person’s, it’s just inside your perfect head…Sometimes you just need to let go of your perfect brain and see the bigger picture from his/her side..and maybe it’s YOUR fault this time..